As a corollary to my previous post: sick puppies are the absolute worst. Euthanizing a young puppy is one of the hardest things to do, and there's absolutely nothing that can cheer you up after that. God damnit, yesterday was hard. My heart is burdened by my feelings of failure and my sympathy for the poor owners who had her for less than a week. Fuck you, world, for making sweet puppies mortal.
Dr. Done
Friday, 22 January 2016
Wednesday, 20 January 2016
Sparky
Christmas time is both a blessing and a curse in vet clinics. It's awful because the euthanasia rate often doubles, and pets love getting emergently ill over holidays when fewer clinics are open and everyone is flat broke. However, Christmas is also the time of client presents. Every year we are inundated with cards, boxes of chocolates, and the occasional bottle of wine. And by "we" I mean 97% my boss, but he's very nice and shares everything with us....except the wine maybe. The entire clinic LOVES "Chocolate Month". At one point there were 4 boxes of assorted chocolates on our break room table and it was about 60% of our daily meals. But every now and then we get a client who shucks off tradition and decides to show their appreciation in a new and creative way. Enter: Sparky.
"Sparky" (as I have dubbed him), is a 3 foot tall fake dog, molded from plastic and made from real rabbit fur. He is supposed to be a black Lab, but is half the size of one and had a distinctly feline tail. He also has a voice box in his neck that barks 3x4 times when tapped. Sparky is creepy and weird and I love him. A client got him for us as a Christmas present and it is the most bizarre gift I have ever heard of. Where do you even buy a 3 foot fake dog made of rabbit fur that barks? We had no idea what to do with him: we can't keep him in any areas where animals are since he's so life-like he'll scare them, and he's too big to tuck away in a cupboard. So obviously I immediately used him for pranking.
I had the great idea to put him on the x-ray table with the door shut so the next tech to open the door will get a startle. This was right before we closed for the holidays, so after we got back, guess who was the first one to go into x-ray? I got a good fright, since apparently I have the memory of a goldfish. My boss found this karmically hilarious. So then I put him on the staff room table for the next unwitting victim. One by one I scared each of my staff with him, which was the high point of each day. You can't really explain the rush of confused shock and fear when you open a door to find what looks like a smallish dog staring at you from 2 feet away. You can't explain it, but you sure can enjoy the looks (and curses) from other people.
Alas, the thrill of Sparky has waned. We no longer jump when we round a corner to see Sparky staring us down, and have banished him to the corner of the isolation unit out of the way. We have experimentally introduced Sparky to my cat and someone's dog, and both decided it was a demon sent from Beyond and reacted accordingly. Smart creatures.
Dr. Jump-Scare
"Sparky" (as I have dubbed him), is a 3 foot tall fake dog, molded from plastic and made from real rabbit fur. He is supposed to be a black Lab, but is half the size of one and had a distinctly feline tail. He also has a voice box in his neck that barks 3x4 times when tapped. Sparky is creepy and weird and I love him. A client got him for us as a Christmas present and it is the most bizarre gift I have ever heard of. Where do you even buy a 3 foot fake dog made of rabbit fur that barks? We had no idea what to do with him: we can't keep him in any areas where animals are since he's so life-like he'll scare them, and he's too big to tuck away in a cupboard. So obviously I immediately used him for pranking.
I had the great idea to put him on the x-ray table with the door shut so the next tech to open the door will get a startle. This was right before we closed for the holidays, so after we got back, guess who was the first one to go into x-ray? I got a good fright, since apparently I have the memory of a goldfish. My boss found this karmically hilarious. So then I put him on the staff room table for the next unwitting victim. One by one I scared each of my staff with him, which was the high point of each day. You can't really explain the rush of confused shock and fear when you open a door to find what looks like a smallish dog staring at you from 2 feet away. You can't explain it, but you sure can enjoy the looks (and curses) from other people.
Alas, the thrill of Sparky has waned. We no longer jump when we round a corner to see Sparky staring us down, and have banished him to the corner of the isolation unit out of the way. We have experimentally introduced Sparky to my cat and someone's dog, and both decided it was a demon sent from Beyond and reacted accordingly. Smart creatures.
Dr. Jump-Scare
Puppies!
I love puppies! They're so great, they can make any day a little brighter. I saw the cutest little puppy yesterday, and he was such a little cad. Very curious, very sweet, very lovely owners. Sometimes it's difficult coming out of a tense somber appointment (like an euthanasia) then going straight into a happy bouncy puppy appointment. It's like emotional whiplash, and it can be hard switching gears like that, but so worth it. I often let myself get dragged down with the hard cases and find it difficult to get out of my head...but the puppies help. You can't let yourself take the bad stuff home with you...you can't live with the weight of a hundred pets on your shoulders, and the puppies help me wipe my soul clean.
So thank you, puppies and owners of puppies. You are the emotional equivalent of a hot shower. Keep bringing your happy little balls of love to your vet because I guarantee you'll make their day shiny and bright. And I always appreciate it when my puppy people stop buy just to get a treat and say hi.
Dr. PUPPIES!
So thank you, puppies and owners of puppies. You are the emotional equivalent of a hot shower. Keep bringing your happy little balls of love to your vet because I guarantee you'll make their day shiny and bright. And I always appreciate it when my puppy people stop buy just to get a treat and say hi.
Dr. PUPPIES!
Thursday, 14 January 2016
Superstitions
I was never a very superstitious person....until I got into vet med. Now I live by them, and all my staff know better than to tempt fate while I'm around! Here's a list of the little superstitions and rules of Murphy's law that I live by:
Every animal owned by someone who works at a vet clinic will have some sort of rare problem.
Maybe this one is a self-fulfilling prophecy since we tend to take in the pet no one else wants or relinquishes for their problems. (This is how I got my cat...I couldn't stand to euthanize him so adopted him instead. At least I sort of knew what I was getting myself into with that one).
Full moons bring out the crazy.
It's true. Full moons bring out the crazy cases (and the, shall we say, "intense" owners).
Dread the holidays.
Almost certainly the day after a holiday or long weekend will be out-of-your-mind busy, or dead as a dodo. Conversely, the night before any day off (weekend, holiday, vacation), you will see half a dozen animals that were sick all week but suddenly have to come in that night. Also, more euthanasias happen around the Christmas season than any other time of year (a sad fact that sucks all the joy out of the season).
If there is a spider near, it WILL find me.
This is unrelated to my career. I hate spiders, but they sure love me. 4 times in the last 2 months I've been startled by one hanging 6 inches from my face. I cannot count the amount of times I find them crawling around near me. I attract them like no one else! If there's even one in the clinic, guaranteed it'll hang out near to me.
There's probably more that I can't remember right now. Anyone else got crazy superstitions they hang on to despite all logic?
Dr. Arachnophobia
Never say "I'm bored" or "it's slow" or "looks like we'll be done early".
Saying anything like that almost guarantees a string of last minute appointments and emergencies. These phrases are punishable by extreme glowering when uttered in my presence.
Saying anything like that almost guarantees a string of last minute appointments and emergencies. These phrases are punishable by extreme glowering when uttered in my presence.
Never comment on a vein when drawing blood or placing a calendar.
If you do, no matter how good the vein was, you will not hit it. (I have been known to utter a prayer to Sanguinia, the goddess of veins, on my fifth catheter attempt. It sometimes even works).
If you do, no matter how good the vein was, you will not hit it. (I have been known to utter a prayer to Sanguinia, the goddess of veins, on my fifth catheter attempt. It sometimes even works).
White dogs bleed more.
Things will always get messy when they are involved. Bonus if their owner is very attached, calls them snookums, and can't stand the thought of blood on their baby. But that makes these ones awesome for catheter placement (just keep the peroxide near).
Things will always get messy when they are involved. Bonus if their owner is very attached, calls them snookums, and can't stand the thought of blood on their baby. But that makes these ones awesome for catheter placement (just keep the peroxide near).
Mean animals live forever, nice ones die young.
I hate it when I have nice sweet animals get sick because it feels like they always get the worst diseases. However if it's one who tries to bite every visit, it will live despite all odds even with nasty diseases. I think they use hate as fuel.
I hate it when I have nice sweet animals get sick because it feels like they always get the worst diseases. However if it's one who tries to bite every visit, it will live despite all odds even with nasty diseases. I think they use hate as fuel.
Every animal owned by someone who works at a vet clinic will have some sort of rare problem.
Maybe this one is a self-fulfilling prophecy since we tend to take in the pet no one else wants or relinquishes for their problems. (This is how I got my cat...I couldn't stand to euthanize him so adopted him instead. At least I sort of knew what I was getting myself into with that one).
Full moons bring out the crazy.
It's true. Full moons bring out the crazy cases (and the, shall we say, "intense" owners).
Dread the holidays.
Almost certainly the day after a holiday or long weekend will be out-of-your-mind busy, or dead as a dodo. Conversely, the night before any day off (weekend, holiday, vacation), you will see half a dozen animals that were sick all week but suddenly have to come in that night. Also, more euthanasias happen around the Christmas season than any other time of year (a sad fact that sucks all the joy out of the season).
If there is a spider near, it WILL find me.
This is unrelated to my career. I hate spiders, but they sure love me. 4 times in the last 2 months I've been startled by one hanging 6 inches from my face. I cannot count the amount of times I find them crawling around near me. I attract them like no one else! If there's even one in the clinic, guaranteed it'll hang out near to me.
There's probably more that I can't remember right now. Anyone else got crazy superstitions they hang on to despite all logic?
Dr. Arachnophobia
Wednesday, 13 January 2016
A song
Last night we got a call 45 minutes before closing to see a dog who'd been sick since that morning. They arrived 30 minutes before closing, and by the time they filled out the intake sheet, had the dog weighed and my tech got pre-exam info, it was T minus 15. After my exam we had to do x-rays, which started at exactly closing time. The discussion of findings, recommendations, and ultimately booking surgery took us to about 45 minutes past closing by the time they left. Then I had to write up the medical record, finalize the x-rays, clean up, and do end of day stuff. All said and done I was out of the clinic 2 hours past closing. After they left, this little ditty sprung into my head which I scribbled down between records. (BTW, I don't blame people for having to come in late, and the dog left today after her surgery looking like a million bucks.)
Sung to SemiSonic's 1990s classic "Closing Time"
Sung to SemiSonic's 1990s classic "Closing Time"
Closing time
Open all the doors and let yourself
into the room
Closing time
Keeping all the lights on for every dog
and every tom
Closing time
One last call for ADR so finish your
dreams of dinner
Closing time
You don’t have to come in but you’ll
soon be here
I know that I won’t get to go home
I know that I won’t get to go home
I know that I won’t get to go home
Let me go
Closing time
Time for you to leave, oh god I hope that
you’ll refer
Closing time
This place has to stay open till you
pay and we clean up all the fur
So gather up your pets and move them
to the lobby
I hope you have paid your bill
Closing time
Every new complaint means I can’t go count out my till
I know that I won’t get to go home
I know that I won’t get to go home
I know that I won’t get to go home
Let me go
Closing time
Time for you to leave, oh god I hope that you’ll refer
I know that I won’t get to go home
I know that I won’t get to go home
I know that I won’t get to go home
Let me go
Closing time
Every new complaint means I can’t go
count out my till
Hey, if this whole vet thing doesn't work out, I might just have a new career!
Dr. Cookies for Dinner (11pm makes it hard to eat real food)
Opening the flood gates
Okay, here I am! So here's the scoop. I've been wanting to start a blog about vet stuff for months. It sort of started when a much beloved patient of mine died. Here's a brief story of the dog who inspired me. He'll probably pop up time to time on this blog, since I really want to mention some of the high points of his life in the short time I knew him.
"H" was an amazing, loving, sweet dog who developed a really crappy disease (F***k you, ITP). It broke my heart to see him sick, and his owners and I went through a lot of ups and downs with his illness. Long story short, just as he was starting to get better and I was feeling optimistic, he crashed and had to have emergency euthanasia done by my boss. When I came in that day and saw H lifeless, waiting for his autopsy, I completely broke down. I tearfully told my boss to do the autopsy by all means, but wait until I left for the day so I wouldn't have to see any of it. I wanted my last memory of him to be from the last visit we had, when he was leaning on my leg all smiles and waggy bum.
The whole event got to me in such a way I was not expecting, I had a very hard time dealing with the feelings of loss and failure, wondering what more I could have done. Around the same time I was reading a lot of "Dr. Grumpy in the House" (great blog btw, check it out, definitely inspired by blog name) and started to think maybe talking about stuff might help. Hence the blog. Well it's a slow week, so I finally got around to setting this up.
I have a backlog in my mind of things I've wanted to write down, so I'll probably be making a lot of retroactive post in the next little while. I don't know if this is stuff people want to read, and I am certainly no kind of writer, but maybe someone will find this interesting and even if not I'll still get stuff off my chest. Fair warning: some posts might be graphic, some sad, some gross, and there will most likely be some swearing. It's all real except for the stuff that isn't. I hope someone out there likes this stuff so I'm not just shouting into the void!
See you around,
The Sarcastic Vet
Coming soon
Just setting up shop, shouldn't be long. Come back soon for actual content. Who knows, you might even like it.
Dr. Sarcastic
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)